In the course of my Soap Opera Intensive class (I'm not ashamed), I came to the realization that all permanent, contract player roles come with a breakdown akin to:

 

Bril.  Twenty-something male.  Handsome, charming, and brilliant.  He's the type of guy who was starting quarterback for the high school varsity football team and captain of the academic decathlon squad.  He was voted most likely to bang a Gore daughter.  But, behind his Clark Kent glasses and Gucci boxers, Bril harbors a deep and devastatingly dark secret: he's f*cking PSYCHO. 

An understudy in a local stage production fell ill to food poising the same night she was called to cover for a lead.  According to her story (heard tonight at my On-Camera Audition class): the lead actress got into costume, got into character, and willed her ailing body to act.  As a consolation, the crew positioned buckets on stage to mitigate the likely vomit hazard.

 

The show must go on, because in the world of theater, people pay good money to see the frickin' show.  If you get sick: sucks to be you.  There's no sick leave on stage and understudies come with no guarantee.  If you catch a cold, your character now sneezes.  If you loose a leg, your character now hops.  If you loose all of your limbs, your character doesn't move much and is renamed Doormat.

At the end of my On-Camera Audition class, after each student performed and was subsequently critiqued, the instructor quietly eyed three of the students. "You know ... you all have the same problem.  You squint a lot.  We have to work on the squinting."  Two of the students nodded.

 

At which point, the third student's interjected, "You know I'm half Asian?"